You Might Be A Cop If...

You have the bladder capacity of five people;

You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexualexperience;

You believe that 25% of people are a waste of protoplasm;

Your idea of a good time is a robbery at shift change;

You call for a CCH on anyone that is friendly toward you;

You think it is perfectly normal to discuss dismemberment over agourmet meal;

You can identify a negative "tattoo to tooth" ratiojust by looking at a person;

You find humor in other people's stupidity;

You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac;

You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see;

You have your weekends off planned for a year in advance;

You believe that a "shallow gene pool" should begrounds for an arrest;

You believe that the Government should require a permit toreproduce;

You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyonesays "Boy, it sure is quiet around here";

You refer to your nightstick as your "Dork Slayer";

You believe that chocolate is a food group;

You take it as a compliment when someone calls you a prick;

You have wanted to hold a seminar on "Suicide, getting itright the first time;,

You believe that "too stupid to live" should be avalid jury verdict;

You have had to put a complainant on hold, while you laughuncontrollably;

You have wanted a terrorist to deliver a Ryder truck to aparticular bar;

You believe the dispatcher is possessed;

You think caffeine should be available in I.V. form;

You're not referring to food when you mention vegetables;

You believe that the holding cell should come with a Valiumsaltlick;

You have heard: "I have no idea how that got there,"on more than a few occasions;

You suddenly realize one night that you are patrolling theTwighlight Zone;

You correlate "two beers" with 0.15  BAC;

You have learned a lot about paranoia, simply by followingrandom cars around in your patrol car;

You believe that it is a "good" death only if itinvolves overtime;