New uniforms and ties attract catsup andgravy stains.
Court will be scheduled in the middle ofyour days off.
Hot calls will only come over the air 10minutes before the end of your shift.
You will never get the urge to use thebathroom until you have left the station.
Surprise inspections will only occurafter you have been in a foot pursuit through mud.
The Mayor will get a traffic ticket theday before your department negotiates for a salary increase.
The bigger they are, the harder theyfall. Also the harder they punch, kick and choke.
Never search a dark warehouse with a copwhose nickname is "Boom-Boom".
If you park your patrol car in the exactcenter of the Gobi desert, within 5 minutes someone will pull up and ask for direction.
Coffee machines only brake down on thegraveyard shift.
Pens never leak onto old uniform shirts.
To error is human, to forgive is againstdepartment policy.
You will find a "policediscount" one day before payday.
Shatterproof flashlights seldom are.
You will remain in perfect health untilyour days off.
Glow in the dark sights are just asvisible to you as they are to the crook hiding behind you.
No patrol car assigned to you will beclean and never have a full tank of gas.
Wearing white socks makes boot zippersbreak.
The oldest squad car won't be retired. Itwill be assigned to you.
Coffee jitters will never bother youuntil firearm qualification day.
Flashlight batteries never die in thedaylight hours.
Your mouthiest traffic violator will berelated to the sheriff.
You will score no higher than fourth on apromotion exam with only three positions.
If the crooks are within pistol range, soare you.
The speed you respond to a fight inprogress is inversely proportional to how long you have been an officer.
Perfect 10's only show up to talk whenyou are busy.
Bullet proof vests might be.
Your portable radio will never fail untilyou are involved in a foot pursuit.
Vehicle pursuits always progress fromareas of low traffic density to high traffic density.
Your pen will only run out of ink whenyou are ready to write a ticket.
NCIC will be down anytime you see a carlisted on a hot sheet.
Old squad cars never die, they just smellthat way.
You will never get a bomb threat calluntil the squad is away on training.
The experience of your DA is inverselyproportional to the importance of the case he is prosecuting.
Word processors only delete reports whenthey are nearly done.
Your bullet proof vest was supplied bythe lowest bidder.
You receive a subpoena for a major felonycase for the first day of your paid for, non-refundable vacation.
In a physical confrontation involvingmore than one officer, any impact weapon used will strike cops more times than crooks.
Do unto others, but do it first.
Eat right, Exercise, Die anyway.
Your squad car will only break down whenyou are outside your beat.
Waterproof boots aren't.
Freebees will only arrive at the stationon your days off.
There is an inverse relationship betweenthe number of auto club stickers on a rear bumper and how well the person drives.
You are ALWAYS downwind from pepperspray.
To err is human, just do it in front ofas few people as possible!
Anyone that flirts with you on-duty won'teven recognize you off-duty.
The hardest job for a Hostage Negotiatoris to negotiate with the crisis committee!
No one's idea is a good idea until itbecomes another's idea...usually the Chief's
If your patrol car's air is out thesuspect will smell worse than a wet dog.
