With the reintroduction of John Glenn into space, NASA has

 been forced to make a few changes to the shuttle, and the way missions

 are carried out.  Here is a small listing of the changes.







 1.  Docking maneuvers now take a minimum of thirteen turns or reverses.

 2.  All instructions and warning labels now in much larger font.

 3.  Golf cap now part of space suit.

 4.  Tang and Crest replaced by prune juice and Dentu-Grip.

 5.  Space suit now comes equipped with integral Depends.

 6.  Onboard radio and telecommunications array now includes "Sounds of

     Sinatra"

 7.  Sleeping arrangements on Shuttle re-designed by CraftMatic Adjustable

     Beds.

 8.  Orthopedic insoles in space boots.

 9.  Personal effects kit includes Imodium AD.

 10.  Automatic drool cup.

 11. All important devices now operated by the Clapper.

 12. Shuttle's thermostat set at 80 degrees.

 13. Shuffle board installed in cargo bay.

 14. "Early Bird" specials from Morrison's Cafeteria included on menu.

 15. One monitor specifically designated for Matlock.

 16. Little bowls of candy scattered randomly about the ship.

 17. Top speed of shuttle set at 25 miles per hour.

 18. Installed a new bifocal windshield.

 19. Space pants now go up to armpits.

 20. Left-blinker left on for entire mission.



        We were unable to get an offical price tag for all the changes.  All

 NASA will say is "We made all the changes on Tuesdays, so we got 10% off

 all non-sale items." Industry analysts project the project set NASA back

 quite a bit, and feel the changes were not needed, as NASA was on a fixed

 income to begin with.



        AARP hasn't been available for comment, but the appear to be very

 pleased with the changes.