A cop pulls a car over on the highway for speeding. When he asks forthe
driver's license, the driver argued, "Speeding??? But officer, I wasonly trying to keep a safe distance between my car the the car in back ofme."

Warning to shoplifters: Anyone caught shoplifting will be beaten,gagged, whipped and tortured. Any survivors will be prosecuted to the fullextent of the law.

A jury commissioner received a reply in response to a jury summons. Itsaid: I would be most happy to serve, but first you will have to make arrangementsfor my release from jail.

A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says, "Lady,it says here that you should be wearing glasses." The woman answered,"Well, I have contacts." The policeman replied, "I don'tcare who you know! You're getting a ticket!"