10. You go in for routine surgery, you come out with a tail

9. You recognize your doctor as kid who was mopping the lobby when you checked in

8. Instead of sponge bath, they send St. Bernard to lick you

7. As you're going under, your surgeon says, "Man, am I baked"

6. In the operating room, they have one of these guys [shot of "Late Show" staffer Bill Scheft waving]

5. Every couple of minutes, you hear a bugle playing Taps

4. All the diplomas on the wall are signed by Sally Struthers

3. You and your roommate have to take turns on the I.V.

2. Through fog of anesthesia, you hear surgeon shouting, "Bring the damn Scotch tape! And plenty of it!"

1. Instead of "patient", they use the term "plaintiff"